Releasing the Last Baby Bird

It's official. I'm an emotional hot mess today.

I’m in the last weeks of having a child, however adult, living under my roof. My oldest child is almost thirty-four years old, and these last thirty-four years of mothering have been the sweetest work I've ever done, but they're quickly coming to an end. Oh, I know, once a mother, always a mother, but it won't be the same not having a child living under my roof.

Ashley "sewing" at Grandma's house.

My youngest child, Ashley, is preparing to leave our safe, happy nest in mid-August. She will move to Washington state and live in a 1976 Ford Chateau RV that we're working hard to renovate. My husband and I will drive her, her RV, and her car to Washington, then fly home without her.

Me and my girl

I just finished recovering the cushions for Ashley's little RV couch today. The stress level is a bit high right now due to her tight finances, my August first book deadline, and pressing church responsibilities that also need to be done by the first of August. Add to that the work that needs to be finished on her RV and our regular life responsibilities and, well, let's say we're all wound a little tight.  

Ashley and me at Sea World Tide Pool

As I worked on that last cushion—the corner cushion that has given me fits for the last two weeks—the tears came. I don't want her to go! But go she must, for that's what we've tried to prepare her, and ourselves, for since she was born that December evening nearly twenty-one years ago.

Ashley, 9 mo. old

She is capable, confident, and so very personable. The world will be blessed to have her outside of our warm cocoon, and will enjoy the joy and energy she brings into it. She's been independent since she could walk and has had a mind of her own even before that. She uses it well, and her decisions are thoughtful and right. Her heart is big and holds so much love that she willingly shares with others. When she was in elementary school she wouldn't leave until she'd hugged every teacher, whether they were hers or not. That's who she is and how she operates.

Silly face on the first day of school

She is a sunbeam and our home won't be nearly as bright without her. She isn't always cheerful, but who is? She can make me laugh until tears stream down my cheeks. And vice versa. She has been my coffee buddy, my fellow thrifter, my pedicure partner, and my teacher when it came to loving animals.

High school graduation

Celebrating getting her driver's license

She'll always be my daughter, but I'd be a fool to think things will ever be the same, even when she comes back to visit. For once a child crosses the threshold of independent living, there's no going back to the way things were.

18th birthday

So go, little bird, with our love, our blessing, our deepest prayers for your success, happiness, personal and spiritual growth. May you find all your heart longs for and may the world treat you gently. Remember how very loved you are and that our door and our hearts are always open to you. When you fly back, you'll be a different person, as will we. But we'll always love you unconditionally, no matter where you are.

At a AZ Diamondbacks game

Ashley as Rose the Fairy at the AZ Renaissance Fair, 2016

Use your gifts. Love God and live out your faith every day. Stay close to His side and you'll always be at home.

Fly well, baby bird, fly well.

Linda

Timeless Tuesday - Training Little Humans

Well, isn't that the truth?!

We go into parenting with the best of intentions. We fantasize about the snuggles, the love, the soft pastels, the baby smiles, sparkling eyes, and velvety skin. And that's exactly how it should be. It's even part of the reality of parenting. Is there anything that gives more joy than seeing your children grow and thrive?

But parenting, while wonderful, is also grueling. It requires superhuman stamina and strength. It truly can boggle the mind. It can overwhelm, if we're not careful. There's so much to do, to teach, to undo, to clean.

Yet millions of people do it, and do it well, every day. You folks are my heroes.

Every time I hear a parent affirm their child in a store I want to stop and applaud.
When I see a child and parent laughing together, I smile and silently enter into their joy.
When I notice a mom knelt down eye to eye with her child calmly explaining why his behavior was unacceptable, I want to give her a trophy.
Every time a parent sticks a band-aid on a knee and seals it with a kiss...
When a child is picked up from school and greeted with a hug and a smile...
When a dad lifts a child to ride on his shoulders...
When a family throws a baseball together at the park...
When sheets are quietly changed in the night due to a sick or bed-wetting child...
When appointments with doctors, teachers, lessons are kept...
When applause is given after childrens' concert performances or sporting events...
When you help with homework every. single. day.
When you take your brood to church and get nothing out of the sermon because you're too busy keeping everyone occupied...
When you hide treats in your bedroom just for you and not for the little humans...
When you change the umpteenth diaper today and it's only noon...
When you can't get your teenager to get up in time for school...

All these little everyday things are the nitty-gritty of parenting. It gets tiring. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but all these things matter. They all add up to the strong foundation your child needs to build his life. Support, unconditional love, correction, encouragement, time spent together just having fun. They all matter.

Does it go right every day? Far from it. But that's okay, too, because our kids need to see that we're not perfect and we need grace, too. We need each other. We need Jesus and the forgiveness He gives.

So here's to all of you who are training little humans. I see you. God sees you. Hang in there. You're doing great.

Linda

The Best Mothering Advice I Ever Got

This post was originally published in March, 2015. But with Mother's Day this weekend, I thought it was a good time to repost it. Enjoy!

When I was a new mother, I felt woefully inadequate. Though I loved being a mom, I also felt like I didn't know what I was doing. Why did it seem everyone else was so much more confident than I was?

I knew I needed to become more assertive and confident the day I was at my mom's with my newborn daughter. Mom had rocked Jessica to sleep and asked, "Where do you want me to lay her?"
"It doesn't matter. Wherever you think best," I replied.
Mom looked at me, and as usual, knew what was going on inside me. "Linda," she said. "This is your baby. You decide what's best for her."

That was my wake-up call to being an assertive, confident mother.

Later, I read an article that helped me gain the confidence I lacked as a mom. I don't remember what magazine it was. I don't know who the author was. But I know that what it said stayed with me all these 30-plus years later.

In a nutshell it said, "You're this child's mother. No one knows her better than you do." I know that sounds simple, but it came back to me time and time again when I had no clue what I was doing as a mother. When my baby cried, she wanted ME, not someone else, and certainly not because I was so well-qualified, but simply because I was her mom. I was the one she trusted to care for her, with all my inadequacy, foibles, mistakes, and lack of confidence. Me!

You may not have all the answers either, but you do know how your baby likes to be held, what things most often make her cry, or stop crying. You know what her favorite toy is and that she needs her blankie to rub as she drifts off to sleep. You know her tickle spots and the way her eyes crinkle before she breaks into a smile. You know the way she likes to sway and which songs are her favorite. You know what sounds scare her and what makes her squeal with joy. You know far more about that little person God gifted into your care than you think you do.

And even if you don't know those things yet, it doesn't matter. She knows your heartbeat and your gentle touch. She hears your voice, feels your steady breathing, and the way you stroke her downy-soft hair and she's calmed. Why? Because you're her precious mama.

So rest easy. Ignore all the unwanted advice you receive and trust your gut. Ask God for help. Reach out to mothers you respect when you really need another opinion. But be confident that you're enough, because you are. Because God has and will continue to equip you, you'll learn this mothering thing backward and forward, inside and out.

And it will be the most glorious, excruciating, wonder-filled adventure you ever set out on.

Happy Mother's Day!

Linda

My Volunteer Work

Happy Me Monday! I thought I'd share with you what I do every Monday morning from 8:30 to 1:00. I volunteer at the Choices Pregnancy Center in answer to the call God placed in my heart last August. You can read about that here.

I finished my training and have been a peer counselor to women for almost three months now. When I'm there, I feel like I'm right where God wants me to be. I'm doing something that makes a difference and helps women who are at a pivotal point in their lives.

Many of the gals who come in just want verification of their home pregnancy test. They're happy to be pregnant and look forward to parenting. For others, news of a pregnancy isn't good. They may be in school, unmarried, financially strapped, or in a bad relationship. We offer them support and educate them in their three choices: parenting, abortion, or adoption.

Parenting
Some women want to parent their child, if only their circumstances were different. They don't like the idea of losing their baby to adoption or abortion. CPC connects them to resources that can help them financially and support them emotionally. Our center also provides Earn While You Learn classes that allow women and one other person who attends with them to earn baby bucks to spend in our baby boutique. They can each earn up to four baby bucks every time they come to class, while learning about pregnancy and parenting skills. The baby boutique contains brand new baby clothes, diapers, blankets, and lots of other things moms will need for their babies. This is one of many ways CPC supports women who want to parent their babies.

Abortion
CPC cares about the health, safety, and well-being of women. Because of this, we educate women about abortion procedures and risks, both short and long-term. Pregnancy is a big deal to women. If it weren't, the decisions associated with it wouldn't be so hard. That's why it's important women receive all the information about all their choices. They deserve to know the truth. Abortion isn't a quick and easy procedure with no emotional effects. The trauma that accompanies it is real, as most post-abortive women will attest to. We support whatever decision women make, including abortion. But at least they know that we told them the truth. We also offer post-abortive classes for women who choose abortion, to help them in their recovery process.

Adoption
There are lots of outdated ideas about adoption still floating around out there. The truth is, it's just another positive way to provide for your baby. The birth mother can call the shots in how open or closed they want the adoption to be and how much contact they want to have with their baby in the future. CPC provides women with referrals to adoption agencies and supports them emotionally through this difficult decision.

Most of all, CPC offers a non-judgmental listening ear to women and helps them work through the pros and cons of their pregnancy choices. There are even male mentors available to chat with the fathers of the babies. It's a caring, supportive environment where parents can come regardless of their plans for their pregnancy. We pray they'll feel safe, loved, and more informed because they came.

I'll be walking in the CPC Walk for Life in April. If you'd like to sponsor me with a one-time tax deductible donation, please click here. Thanks!

So that's my Monday work. I absolutely love it and the women I talk to. I love supporting them and sharing Christ with them when opportunities arise. Because that's where true hope and healing begins.

Linda

Bragging Rights

I've always hated how parents compare their kids to their friends' kids. Or even how parents compare one child to another of their children. So this meme made me laugh. What kid doesn't deserve your bragging rights, really. They're all extraordinary masterpieces of God's best workmanship. Keep looking for the good in your kids. Even if it's only slamming doors. 

Linda

My Epic Blog Fail and What I Intend to Do About It

Really? Have I really only posted four times in 2015 even though the year is already more than half over? This is why I wasn't sure I should start a blog in the first place. Would I be able to keep up with it? Would my faithful readers (all 2 or 3 of them) be disappointed if I didn't post as regularly as I planned? Or worse, would they not even notice if I failed to post?

I want my writing life to look like this. 

But it often feels more like this as I try to keep up with deadlines, family, and church responsibilities. 

It's not like I haven't been writing. That would be even more of an epic fail. Truth is, I blog almost every week. Every second and fourth Thursday on Christian Children's Authors and every third Friday on Doing LifeTogether. Plus I'm working on rewriting a juvenile fiction book. Which is why I struggle to post here. But I'm hoping to change that.

My friend, Andrea, recently started her own blog called ARHtistic License. Check it out if you're creative in any way. And who isn't? She encouraged me to come up with a schedule of what I'd like to post each week. So here's my plan.

Me Monday - This will be a post that will help you get to know me better. I'll share something about myself that you may not have known. In return, I hope you'll share something about yourself in the comments so I can get to know you, too!

Timeless Tuesday - Some things never go out of style. Like kindness, faith, love, laughter. I'll share a tidbit about something I deem to be timeless.

Wacky Wednesday - About halfway through the week we just might need a laugh. I'll share something that's crazy, weird, funny, or hard to believe.

Thoughtful Thursday - Things that make me think, meditate, look within, and the like will be my focus. Might be a scripture, a quote, or a short story.

Finally Friday - Let's talk about our weekend plans. What will you do? Or what do you wish you could do?

Now you may be thinking what does any of this have to do with parenting, as the title of this blog suggests? But really, doesn't parenting involve almost every aspect of life? Isn't it sort of all-encompassing? Yeah. That's what I think, too. What doesn't have to do with parenting if you're a parent? After all, your whole life is an example to your kids. So, I reserve the right to preempt any of the theme days above to post an article about parenting (or anything else that comes to mind). My goal is to be more intentional and regular with my posts. I'll still try to make a lot of them about parenting. But the content will be more well-rounded, like a good parent should be.

So wish me luck, send up a prayer for me, cross your fingers, or do whatever you think will help me stay on track with this. A two-by-four over the head, anyone? Just as in parenting, I need all the help I can get. And while you're at it, go ahead and become a regular member of this blog and add your email address, too, so you can get these posts dropped right in your inbox. 

Linda

Speak Quietly

The Best Mothering Advice I Ever Got

When I was a new mother, I felt woefully inadequate. Though I loved being a mom, I also felt like I didn't know what I was doing. Why did it seem everyone else was so much more confident than I was?

I knew I needed to become more assertive and confident the day I was at my mom's with my newborn daughter. Mom had rocked Jessica to sleep and asked, "Where do you want me to lay her?"
"It doesn't matter. Wherever you think best," I replied.
Mom looked at me, and as usual, knew what was going on inside me. "Linda," she said. "This is your baby. You decide what's best for her."

That was my wake-up call to being an assertive, confident mother.

Later, I read an article that helped me gain the confidence I lacked as a mom. I don't remember what magazine it was. I don't know who the author was. But I know that what it said stayed with me all these 30-plus years later.

In a nutshell it said, "You're this child's mother. No one knows her better than you do." I know that sounds simple, but it came back to me time and time again when I had no clue what I was doing as a mother. When my baby cried, she wanted ME, not someone else, and certainly not because I was so well-qualified, but simply because I was her mom. I was the one she trusted to care for her, with all my inadequacy, foibles, mistakes, and lack of confidence. Me!

You may not have all the answers either, but you do know how your baby likes to be held, what things most often make her cry, or stop crying. You know what her favorite toy is and that she needs her blankie to rub as she drifts off to sleep. You know her tickle spots and the way her eyes crinkle before she breaks into a smile. You know the way she likes to sway and which songs are her favorite. You know what sounds scare her and what makes her squeal with joy. You know far more about that little person God gifted into your care than you think you do.

And even if you don't know those things yet, it doesn't matter. She knows your heartbeat and your gentle touch. She hears your voice, feels your steady breathing, and the way you stroke her downy-soft hair and she's calmed. Why? Because you're her precious mama.

So rest easy. Ignore all the unwanted advice you receive and trust your gut. Ask God for help. Reach out to mothers you respect when you really need another opinion. But be confident that you're enough, because you are. Because God has and will continue to equip you, you'll learn this mothering thing backward and forward, inside and out.

And it will be the most glorious, excruciating, wonder-filled adventure you ever set out on.

Linda

Respect Your Kids

What? You may be thinking I got that backwards. After all, aren't kids supposed to respect their parents? Well, sure. But think about it. We usually teach core values by modeling them to our kids. If we want them to be honest, we don't steal or lie, right? Should it be any different with respect?

I hate it when I hear parents berating their children. I don't mean disciplining them. I mean talking to them in a tone that screams, "You're so stupid!" or "You're hopeless!" You know the tone I mean. As a matter of fact, I've heard it coming from my own mouth! I'm a parent of a teen now and sometimes I even hear that tone coming from her when she talks to me. Ouch. I know she learned that somewhere and I'm not willing to say where right here in public!

So let's make an effort to speak respectfully to our kids starting today. If we all did it, maybe more kids would learn respect and we could change the world! Or at the very least you'd have a happier home life with your kids.

Lighten Up!

When's the last time you had a good laugh with your kids? Sometimes I become such a serious parent that I forget the joy of the job. When I lighten up a bit and laugh when I might have frowned or yelled, it's unbelievable how much better I feel. It's like a weight comes off the whole family and we can enjoy each other again. So try it. Feel like letting someone have it? Surprise them and laugh. Then watch relief spread over their face and enjoy the moment.