Releasing the Last Baby Bird

It's official. I'm an emotional hot mess today.

I’m in the last weeks of having a child, however adult, living under my roof. My oldest child is almost thirty-four years old, and these last thirty-four years of mothering have been the sweetest work I've ever done, but they're quickly coming to an end. Oh, I know, once a mother, always a mother, but it won't be the same not having a child living under my roof.

Ashley "sewing" at Grandma's house.

My youngest child, Ashley, is preparing to leave our safe, happy nest in mid-August. She will move to Washington state and live in a 1976 Ford Chateau RV that we're working hard to renovate. My husband and I will drive her, her RV, and her car to Washington, then fly home without her.

Me and my girl

I just finished recovering the cushions for Ashley's little RV couch today. The stress level is a bit high right now due to her tight finances, my August first book deadline, and pressing church responsibilities that also need to be done by the first of August. Add to that the work that needs to be finished on her RV and our regular life responsibilities and, well, let's say we're all wound a little tight.  

Ashley and me at Sea World Tide Pool

As I worked on that last cushion—the corner cushion that has given me fits for the last two weeks—the tears came. I don't want her to go! But go she must, for that's what we've tried to prepare her, and ourselves, for since she was born that December evening nearly twenty-one years ago.

Ashley, 9 mo. old

She is capable, confident, and so very personable. The world will be blessed to have her outside of our warm cocoon, and will enjoy the joy and energy she brings into it. She's been independent since she could walk and has had a mind of her own even before that. She uses it well, and her decisions are thoughtful and right. Her heart is big and holds so much love that she willingly shares with others. When she was in elementary school she wouldn't leave until she'd hugged every teacher, whether they were hers or not. That's who she is and how she operates.

Silly face on the first day of school

She is a sunbeam and our home won't be nearly as bright without her. She isn't always cheerful, but who is? She can make me laugh until tears stream down my cheeks. And vice versa. She has been my coffee buddy, my fellow thrifter, my pedicure partner, and my teacher when it came to loving animals.

High school graduation

Celebrating getting her driver's license

She'll always be my daughter, but I'd be a fool to think things will ever be the same, even when she comes back to visit. For once a child crosses the threshold of independent living, there's no going back to the way things were.

18th birthday

So go, little bird, with our love, our blessing, our deepest prayers for your success, happiness, personal and spiritual growth. May you find all your heart longs for and may the world treat you gently. Remember how very loved you are and that our door and our hearts are always open to you. When you fly back, you'll be a different person, as will we. But we'll always love you unconditionally, no matter where you are.

At a AZ Diamondbacks game

Ashley as Rose the Fairy at the AZ Renaissance Fair, 2016

Use your gifts. Love God and live out your faith every day. Stay close to His side and you'll always be at home.

Fly well, baby bird, fly well.

Linda

Letting Go of Your Kids

by Linda McQuinn Carlblom
We're in the letting go phase of parenting. Our youngest is sixteen and as I write this, she's in another state with a trusted adult friend from church for spring break. I miss her! But it's part of the gradual releasing of a child that every parent must eventually do.

In April, she'll go on her first mission trip and will be in the Philippines for two weeks. I'm so excited for this opportunity for her, but at the same time, I have my share of apprehensions too. Will she stay healthy? Will she manage well in another culture? Will her cell phone work? Will she do her missionary duties with ease or will it be excruciating for her? Will she be safe?

I am not a worrier by nature. I have great faith in God's ability to care for her and faith in my daughter's ability to handle herself well. But as a mom, I think about those things that might come up. But I've been letting go of this child since she was born.

She was only two when she spent her first night away from home with someone other than Grandma. I thought she'd never make it until morning without crying for us, but she did. Our friends called the next morning to say she wasn't ready to come home yet and could she stay until later in the day? Relief and grief swept over me. Hooray! She did fine! She doesn't need me! Boohoo!

As parents, life with our kids is a series of letting go moments. That first sleepover. The first day of school. A birthday party. Summer camp. Their first job, first date, graduation, wedding. Little by little, that soft hand in ours slides away and learns to cross the street without us. It's how it's supposed to be. But that doesn't necessarily mean it comes easy.

So hold that sweet hand in yours while you can. Let it slide softly away as it grows. Pray hard, love deeply. Trust that you've taught them all they need to know to succeed out there on their own. And rest assured God's eyes are always on them, even when yours can't be.

Links on letting go of your kids.
http://tinyurl.com/75b4ug9

http://www.bhg.com/health-family/school/back-to-school/how-to-let-go-as-they-grow/?rb=Y#page=1

Linda