Disciplining Children With Non-Verbal Cues

This week I'm posting some of my most popular posts while I'm preparing for and going on a week's vacation. I hope you enjoy them--again! This one was originally posted July 17, 2012.

Ever feel like you're talking to a brick wall when it comes to disciplining your kids? Seem like nothing you say is heard or obeyed? Maybe it's time to come up with a different discipline strategy. If you're tired of talking and having to say the same things repeatedly, why not try silent discipline?

Start disciplining with nonverbal cues. Sit down with your children and talk honestly with them. Tell them you aren't happy with how the disciplining has been going. Own up to the fact that you may not have been as respectful to them as you should have been, if that's the case. Never mind that they may have been disrespectful to you, too. Apologize and ask their forgiveness. Tell them you're willing to try a different way of discipline if they'll be responsive to it. Explain that you'll use nonverbal cues when you need them to do something differently. Let them help you decide what the cues will be. Here are a few suggestions:

Nonverbal Cue                                                    Translation

Hand on child's arm                                               You're talking back, please stop

Shaking head                                                         No. That's unacceptable.

Index finger pointing up.                                         Please wait. I'll be right with you.

Hand on heart.                                                       I love you.

Thumbs up                                                            You're doing great!

Hand up                                                                 Stop

Index finger to lips                                                  Quiet

It may be that your child might like to have some nonverbal cues to use for you, too, such as:

Hand on your arm when you're talking to someone     I need to say something.

Finger twirling in the air                                               I have to go to the bathroom.

Tug on his ear                                                             I'm bored/I'm ready to go.

Hand cupped behind ear                                             I didn't hear you.

Of course, many parents use standard American Sign Language with their children, too, and find it to be useful, especially for nonverbal children. Using cues ratchets down tension. It keeps parents and kids from yelling at each other and it bonds you because you have a secret code no one else knows. There's power in a loving touch. It conveys so much more than spoken words. Nonverbal cues work beautifully with some, but not all, children. So if you're frustrated with verbal communication with your kids, try it! Even a slight diversion from the norm is a nice break for everyone and it may make your usual form of communication easier to hear if you return to it.

Do you use nonverbal communication or discipline with your children? What are your cues and how do they work?

Linda

Is Online School Right for Your Child?

This week I'll be posting some of my most popular posts while I'm preparing for and going on a week's vacation. I hope you enjoy them--again! This one was originally posted April 2, 2012.

We're switching our daughter's school next year. Again. This will be the fourth school change since she started kindergarten. She'll be a junior in high school next year, so maybe that's not too bad. But it always seems like a big upheaval when we do.

We don't change schools just for fun. And our daughter has always been in on the decision. Next year will be a big change for us. For the first time, she'll be "going" to a virtual school from home. Here are our main reasons for choosing this option. Maybe you'll relate!
1. A more flexible schedule. We've often been unable to do things we want as a family, or even that she wants to do on her own because her school schedule didn't allow it. At an online school, she can do her school work when it's convenient for her. It can be done in half the time of regular schools, which frees her up to pursue her many other interests.
2. More individualized program. At an online school, she'll work at her own pace in each class. If she has questions, she can still contact her teacher via email, phone or in person, and get the help she needs.
3. Mobile education. If we want to take a trip, she can take her computer with her and do her school work while we're traveling. Or she can work ahead in her classes and not have to do any school work while we're away. Her choice.
4. A more balanced life. Right now school takes up most of her life. Even after school's out, she still has homework to do. If we have activities in the evening it's sometimes hard to fit it all in. Online school will relieve some of the pressure and stress of school life. Sure, it's still a rigorous educational process where she'll have to work hard and learn, but it will be done around our schedule, not the other way around. Who knows? She may even have time for a part-time job!
5. Social life. Unlike myself, my daughter is very social. She loves being with friends of all ages. Many people think being in an online school means you're isolated and can't be with your schoolmates. However, the school we chose has social events where online kids can get to know each other. They have field trips (more than regular schools!) where they get to do fun things together while learning. And in today's world of email, social networking and smart phones, my daughter will always be in contact with her old school friends as well as her new ones. They'll still get together and do things just like they always have. So really, online school will enlarge her social world, not shrink it.
6. A solid education. The school we chose is accredited and uses only certified teachers. It follows our state's guidelines so we know our daughter will get a good education that colleges will accept. She'll have to pass the state testing just like in a regular school. Best of all, it's free! Because it's a public school, it gets funding from the state. It provides everything we'll need for school, including a desktop computer, a stipend to cover Internet expense, books, science lab equipment, and anything else a course would require.

If you're considering a change in schools next year, I'd encourage you to look at online education. We're excited about it and can't wait to start next year!

What schooling method do you use? What are the pros and cons?

Linda