Five Benefits of Letting Your Married Children Live With You (Temporarily)

There comes a time for most parents when their married children ask if they can temporarily move in with them. The kids may be between leases or houses. They might need to save money for a particular reason. Or maybe they're out of work and can't afford their own place. Whatever the reason, you may be tempted to say no. It would disrupt your life and schedule and cramp your space. It might strain your relationships. It may mean extra work cleaning up after them. I get it. Really, I do.

But may I urge you to say yes?

Tyler and Bonnie

 

We allowed our son and his wife (That's them in the picture. Aren't they cute?) to move in with us about a year after they married. None of us knew for sure how long they'd be there, but it ended up being ten months. We had all the concerns I mentioned above, as do most parents in that situation. But we were wrong.

Here are five benefits we came away with that I didn't anticipate at the onset of this living arrangement.

1. We grew closer to one another.  I didn't see this coming, but it became a joy to work together in the kitchen or sit around and watch TV together. We truly enjoyed one another's company and that has benefited our relationships.

2. We got to witness up close and personal our son as a husband. It was awesome to see this "kid" as a thoughtful husband. He was kind, gentle, funny, loving, helpful, understanding. I'd only had glimpses of him in this role before, but living with them immersed me in the wonder of it every day. It was spectacular. And it was just as fabulous seeing how equally wonderful his wife was to him.

3.  We learned to work cooperatively. We tried to stay out of each others' way in the kitchen or when doing laundry. We parked our cars so the other could get out when they needed to. We let each others' dogs out or fed them when the other couldn't. We were glad to help each other, and didn't do it begrudgingly.

4. We loved our daughter-in-law in a deeper way. Don't get me wrong, we loved her before. But there's something about living with someone that brings you close. You get to see each other at your best and worse, and have the opportunity to support and love each other through life's ups and downs. I am much closer to my son's wife now than I ever could have been had she not lived with us. She feels more like my own daughter now.

5. You appreciate each other all the more when they move out. Obviously, living together isn't an ideal situation, no matter how great it can be. When the kids moved out, they were thrilled to have their own space again and so were we. We were so happy for them and they were so grateful to us. You count the blessings of living together, and then count the ones of living apart. I miss the close time we had and am so happy when they drop in to say hello.

Living  with your grown kids can be challenging. I offered tips on how to do it successfully in a previous post "11 Tips for Sharing Your Home With Married Children." I'm blessed with kids I love and enjoy. They're thoughtful and respectful, so we chose to let them live in our home for a while. I realize not all family situations are like that. Naturally, every parent needs to decide what's best for them and their kids. But if you have a good relationship with your kids already, I encourage you to let them move in if they need to for a time. Set a time limit on how long they can stay if needed. But don't let fear cause you to say no. You may miss out on a huge blessing.

Linda

I Love Getting the Mail

Happy Me Monday, where I tell you a tidbit about myself.

I love getting the mail. I bet you didn't know that about me.

I think this probably began in my teen years when there was no Internet or texting or e-mail. If you heard from someone who lived far away, it was usually by mail because long distance calling was too expensive. Did I mention there were no cell phones with free long distance either? Yeah. I'm that old.

Anyway, I used to go to a national church youth camp back in my high school days. It was held in Indiana and I'm from Arizona. I always had a blast traveling there with my church youth group. At that camp, I met a lot of other Christian kids and forged some solid friendships, some that continue to this day. This may sound like no big deal to you younger folks, but it IS a big deal because you have no idea how much effort it took to stay in touch back then.

We had to actually hand-write letters. I always used notebook paper, which was my favorite stationary at the time. I could fit a lot onto those big, blank sheets of lined paper. Most of my letter-writing was done with boys I liked. (Stay with me here because you're about to understand why I love getting the mail.) I'd write a long tome of a letter and send it on its merry way after addressing and stamping the envelope. Back then, I had addresses memorized for the special people I wrote to most often.Same with phone numbers. No speed-dial or list of contacts in my phone to look for and then simply hit call. No sir-ee. We had to punch each and every number every single time we called. They soon were committed to memory. But I digress.

So I'd walk that long letter in its bulging envelope to my mailbox, raise the red flag on the box, and wait for the mailman to pick it up. In about three days, it would arrive at its destination. Meanwhile, I'd wait. Did he get my letter? Was he reading it now? Had he written back yet? Was it on its way back to me?

It usually took about two weeks to get a response from the time I mailed the letter. Almost a week of that was travel time. The waiting almost drove me to madness. I'd check the mailbox every day and be either disappointed or delighted by what was or was not in there. When the letter arrived, my friend and I would go over it line by line, looking for clues to decipher what the guy's true feelings were. Did he just like me or really like me?

Nowadays, I still love to get the mail. My husband is self-employed and we often get our payments in the mail. Ka-ching! Yes! A check came today! Or a thank-you note, a picture from our grandkids, or coupons to a favorite restaurant. There's always something to look forward to, even if something fun doesn't come every day.

But what about the bills? Aren't they a bit of a bummer, you say? They could be, but I like to think of them as blessing reminders. If I didn't have a house, I wouldn't have a mortgage payment or an electric bill. Thanks, God for shelter. And nice shelter at that. And thanks for cell phones, cars, cable TV, and all those other things I pay for every month. Every good and perfect gift comes down from God.

So yeah, I love getting the mail every day. A bonus is that when I pull out the key to go to the mailbox, our cute little chihuahua, Kobi, comes running. He trots to the living room and lays down and waits for me to come back with a handful of mail. It's our little routine and I love it. I think Kobi loves getting the mail, too.

If they ever quit delivering mail, even just on Saturday like they sometimes threaten, I'm gonna be one sad girl.

How about you? Do you like getting the mail or dread it? Let me hear from you in the comments. And thanks for reading!

Linda

Thanksgiving Reflections

It's almost Thanksgiving! I'm looking forward to spending the day with my extended family. Everyone's coming to our house, all 23 of them!

I'm thankful for the opportunity to offer hospitality, love, and nourishment to each one of them. I'm also thankful everyone is bringing a portion of the meal, making my role a little less daunting. I'll provide the turkey and our traditional chicken noodles. The rest of the family will bring dishes such as corn, potatoes (both mashed and sweet), dressing, green bean casserole, rolls, pies, cranberry salad and chips and salsa. I eagerly anticipate the hugs of grandchildren, laughing with my sister, drinking coffee with my mom and enjoying my children--all rich blessings from the great Giver of all gifts.

I pray you have memory-making moments that last a lifetime. That you savor every blessing of life as much as you do the feast you eat. And above all, that you remember to thank the One who makes life worth living.

This is one of my favorite songs of thanksgiving. Maybe you'd like to sing it with your family before your meal, or even as your prayer this year. Many of you probably know it, but if you need to hear the tune, you can listen to it here: http://www.elyrics.net/read/d/don-moen-lyrics/give-thanks-lyrics.html.

Give Thanks

by Don Moen

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks unto the Holy One

Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son (repeat)

And now let the weak say, 'I am strong'

Let the poor say, 'I am rich

Because of what the Lord has done for us' (repeat)

Give thanks

Thanksgiving blessings to you and yours!

Linda

Thanksgiving Traditions

Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. I love that it begs us to stop and give thanks to God for all our many blessings. It asks us to look at life from a different perspective, one that isn't always wanting more, and to be content—yes, even downright thankful!—for what we already have. It's easy to forget year to year how we've grown and how God has blessed us. So in order for our family to remember how very blessed we are—not just one day a year, but throughout our lives—we have a couple of Thanksgiving traditions we continue to this day.

 The first and my personal favorite is the Thanksgiving tablecloth. My mom bought a white linen tablecloth a dozen or more years ago and some permanent fabric markers. She asked us all to write on the tablecloth something for which we're thankful. Every year we reuse the same tablecloth and add what we're thankful for or one way in which God has blessed us that year. We all sign and date our entry. This became particularly meaningful after my father died and we could see his writing on our tablecloth and remember his legacy of faith and thanksgiving. It's also fun watching the grandchildren grow and seeing their scribbles turn to actual writing. It's a linen journal of thanks that we gather around as we eat the traditional feast each year. And because we use permanent fabric markers, the tablecloth is washable.

The other tradition is newer, only a few years old. In the Bible when people saw God at work in their lives, they often built a memorial to God out of rocks. It reminded them of what happened at that place and gave them opportunity to tell their children of God's faithfulness to them. I set a basket of smooth river rocks, usually two to three inches in diameter, in a basket. Each person takes a rock and writes on it what he's thankful for or a way God has worked in their life. They can then take the rock home and start building their family's thanksgiving memorial. It's also a way to share your faith as people see your pile of rocks and ask what it is.

There are so many ways to acknowledge God's goodness to us. It doesn't matter how it's done, only that you recognize the Giver of every good and perfect gift. So gather ’round the table and give thanks!

What Thanksgiving traditions do your family practice? If you don't have any, do you plan to start some? What will you do?

Bratitude or Gratitude? by Linda McQuinn Carlblom



We're only a week away from Thanksgiving and everyone's talking about being thankful. It's a good practice, but one we sometimes don't let filter down to our kids. Let's face it--kids can be kinda selfish. Without some intentional guidance they can turn into downright brats. I hate that word! I never called my kids brats and never let anyone else say that about them either. How dare they! But truth is, they sometimes were.
And so am I.
And so are you.
So how do we avoid being brats, whatever our age?
Thankfulness. Gratitude. Living with appreciation for the people in our lives. Even the ones who are tough to tolerate. They teach us patience. Even those less fortunate. They teach us compassion. And especially those we love. They teach us joy.

How can we pass this grateful living on to our children? By pointing out blessings.

"Look at that cute old couple holding hands."
"I'm so thankful for this cold ice cream cone on this hot day."
"That sunshine feels glorious."
"Look how beautiful those flowers are."
"Seeing those kids riding their bikes through the puddles makes me feel happy."
"Look how kind that man is to his dog."
"Thank you for taking your plate to the sink."

Statements like these train your child's eye to see the good in the world. It cultivates appreciation. It transforms bratitude to gratitude. And it makes the world a nicer place for us all.

So go ahead. Start looking for blessings and feel your thankfulness overflow.