Dealing with Teen Homework Stress

At the end of the school year, high school kids have so many projects due, papers to write, and tests to take, it can become stressful and overwhelming for them--and for parents.This picture pretty much describes how I'm feeling at this time of year. I can't imagine how the students feel!

So how can you support your student as he finishes out the year? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Be available. This doesn't mean you have to be in the same room helping with the homework. But it does mean you're in the house, ready to assist if needed. Or even if your help isn't needed, just having you around makes him feel less alone. I remember my mom staying up late into the night, just lying on my bed as I finished a paper in high school. It made me feel supported, like I wasn't having to go it alone.

2. Provide encouragement. Check in with your child from time to time to see how it's going. Take them a snack or something to drink. Without actually doing the work for them, ask if there's anything you can do to help. Offer praise for her perseverance and tenacity. 

3. Allow breaks. The mind can work only so long before it starts zoning out. Schedule some breaks to avoid those unproductive times. After a couple hours of hard work, give your teen 15-30 minutes to check his Facebook page, take a shower, or get a snack. Then he'll be more refreshed and ready to tackle the books again.

4. Provide rewards. When your teen has finished her paper or is done studying for the test, reward her for her hard work. Take her out for ice cream or to her favorite coffee shop. She'll know that her efforts haven't gone unnoticed.

5. Pray for your child. This one probably should have been at the top of the list! Praying for your child reminds him that he has a higher power at work for him. What to include in your prayers? I pray that my child will remember the things he's studied, that he'll include all the necessary elements in a paper to get a good grade, that he'd do his best, not just the bare minimum, and that God would honor his efforts. For especially hard subjects, I pray that God would give my child a mind that would understand that subject. 

At the end of this week, my girl will be done with another year of school. I can't wait for summer! How about you? Are your kids out of school already? Or are you still slogging through end of the year school projects? What are your summer plans? 

I'd love to hear from you!

Linda

Weeding Out Toys

At our house, by summertime, we always had too many toys. Between birthdays, Christmas and maybe a few random purchases, the toy box would be overflowing. What to do? Here's the method we chose.

 

1. To start out with, designate a special area to put all the toys. You can use a playpen, a blanket on the floor, or the bed. Pull out every toy from the toy box, hanging net, under the bed, wherever toys are kept and put them in this designated area.
2. Look at the pile of toys with your child and thank God for giving your family so much.
3. Have your child pull out his top ten favorite toys and put them where they belong (back in the toy box, on a shelf, in a hanging net, etc.).
4. Have your child pick out his next top ten toys and put them where they belong. Continue this process until the various toy storage areas are full. Once an area is full, your child may not put any more toys there. 
5. When all the storage areas are full, there will probably still be toys in the designated area. Provide your child with a list of charities to donate them to and respect your child's choice. 
6. Talk about the children who will receive the toys. How do you think they'll feel? What will their faces look like when they see them? What will they do when they get them? Pray for these children and the joy they will have playing with their "new" toys.
7. Marvel at the number of toys your child still has and give thanks for them.
8. Put the toys you're donating into boxes or large trash bags to take to the donation site. Bring your child with you when you drop them off. Do this as soon as possible after weeding out the toys.

The good thing about weeding out toys this way is that your child still gets to keep all his favorites and the decisions on what to get rid of and what to keep are all his. I'd add one other suggestion. If there is an extra special toy or two that your child loves, they should be exempt from the weeding out. This would be the ones that your child sleeps with every night or takes everywhere, or maybe one that has special sentimental value to him or to you. 

From the weeding out day forward, we had a rule that if our child got a new toy, then she had to find one of her old toys of equal size or value to get rid of. That way she knew there was always a price to pay for every toy we bought, even before she could understand the value of a dollar. It also minimized an overabundance of toys. 

There are lots of ways to weed out toys. A friend used to take half the toys and put them away until July, when she'd bring them out again. I've heard of others who "rotate" the toys," while others have yard sales and let the kids keep the proceeds or use it for a mission project.

What about you? How do you avoid being overrun with toys? I'd love to hear from you!

Linda

5 Ways to Deepen Your Child's Self Worth

Another year of American Idol is done. I think back to the audition phase of this competition and wonder why some of the contestants are absolutely crushed when they aren't put through to the next round. I understand that they're disappointed. But there are always a few who cry and say  the audition was their whole life. They have nothing to go home to. They lived to sing on American Idol.

Really? American Idol is as deep as their life experience goes? As deep as they ever hoped it would go? Now that's sad. It begs the question, how can I make sure my kids have a deeper, more fully grounded sense of their worth? Though there's no magic bullet answer, here's a few tips.

1. Teach children to live for others. Children who have a sense of purpose outside themselves aren't so disappointed when things don't go their way. They recognize that there are always others worse off than they are and that they can reach out to help. They discover life isn't all about them and their accomplishments. It's about easing others' burdens.
2. Affirm children for their positive character traits, not their performance. Johnny got a good report card? Praise him for his perseverance in studying hard. Susie organized a car wash benefit that raised thousands of dollars? Praise her for her leadership skills and compassion. One child helps another with her homework? Thank them for being so kind.
3. Give kids opportunities to serve. This is a way to get their eyes off themselves and onto others and their needs. Encourage them to help a neighbor just for the satisfaction of making someone else happy. When you see someone doing an act of kindness, even if it's just holding open a door, or speaking a kind word, point it out to your child. A simple "That was nice of them," is all it takes. It opens your child's eyes to ways he can help, too. Give your child chores to show them that serving and living with purpose starts at home.
4. Teach your child faith. Every child has a need to believe in someone greater than themselves. When they're very young, a parent may be enough. But way too soon, they begin to understand that parents are flawed people just like them. They need to know they're loved and never alone even if their parent lets them down or can't be there for them. For me, that someone is God. He grounds me in ways a mere human cannot. He's an anchor that keeps me from getting blown around in life like a leaf in a storm. Faith isn't a weakness. It's a quiet strength that sustains you through life's disappointments.
5. Accept your child for who he is. Your child may be very different from you. You may not understand him. That's OK. Love his quirky self anyway. Try to get to know him for who he is, not who you wish he was. Enter his world. Do things he enjoys. Find out what makes him tick. He was created for a purpose just as you were. Allow him the freedom to be who he was created to be without judgment or criticism. It's one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.

If the five points above sound idealistic, you're right. You probably can't do all of them all the time. But if you can hit on some of them some of the time, at least your child will have experienced that in his life. She'll have heard those words or seen those actions coming from  you and will be all the stronger for it. No parent is perfect. No one gets it right all the time. But even when we do a few things right, kids know they're valued. And they have a more grounded sense of self worth.

What other suggestions can you give to build up your child's self worth? Can you remember something someone did for you that impacted your life in a positive way?

Linda

The Green Truck

When my daughter was a preschooler, she had a knack for spotting the lime green water delivery truck driving down the road while we were out running errands. "Mommy! There's the green truck!"



We'd wonder where it was going and who would drink the water he brought. Imagine the excitement from the back seat when we passed the water company's building with bunches of green trucks parked in its lot! It became a game to try to find the green truck whenever we were driving anywhere. I remember another particularly exciting moment at home when she spotted from our front window the green truck driving down our street!We laughed and danced around the living room.

Over a decade later, I still think of my little girl, now a yong lady, when I see the green truck. Every family has its little games that evolve from everyday life. Or maybe it's a dance or signal you give in certain situations. Maybe you have a saying that no one outside your family gets. These things connect us in ways we never dream they will. They give us that warm, fuzzy feeling years later. Don't underestimate the bond these games and silly traditions make in your family. Keep playing!

What do you play with your kids that you'll remember long after they're grown? Is there a saying or a way of pronouncing words that is unique to your family? I'd love to hear about it!

Linda

Sunday Insanity

Insane Sunday mornings with young children. I remember the stress well. Aren't Sundays supposed to be a blessed day? Why did they always seem to begin with crankiness on my part, the kids, or both? Where was the peace of Christ when I really needed it?

I determined to make our Sunday mornings different. They would be calm, peaceful, and God-focused. But how? Here are a few things that helped turn insanity to inspiration.

1. Play inspirational music. I chose CDs that featured kids singing Bible lyrics. That way the kids tuned in better.
2. Pray with your kids the night before. Ask God to help you have a good start to your day of worship.
3. Lay out clothes the night before. Let the kids help choose what they wear. Then you don't have to make those decisions or fight those battles first thing in the morning. Also, make bottles, pack the diaper bag, find everyone's shoes, locate Bibles,and anything else you need to do to prepare for the next morning.
4. Get everyone to bed at a reasonable hour the night before. It's hard to be glad in your worship if you're exhausted. If everyone's well rested, you'll have a less stressful morning.
5. Get up early enough to spend some time alone with God before the kids get up. This will set the tone for the rest of your day. I know it's hard to get up early, but trust me. You'll never regret spending time with God before the rest of the troops arise. As a matter of fact, this may become your favorite time of the day.

Give these tips a try and enjoy your new Sunday morning routine!

Let me know if you try these tips and how they worked for you.What other tips can you give for a more peaceful Sunday morning?

Overscheduling Your Kids

I've seen it time and time again--a bleary-eyed child climbing out of the car wearing his soccer uniform or her gymnastics clothes. They're less than enthusiastic about going grocery shopping. Their mother is tired from carting them from one activity to another and then having to do her errands afterwards. And all this after a full day of work for her and school or day care for the kids. Everyone is dragging, or worse, stressed out and irritated with each other. Does it really have to be this way?

No, it doesn't. When you feel like you're running more than you'd like or your energy is never quite where it should be it's time to re-evaluate your family's life. Start with these questions.

1. Do I have time to enjoy just being with my children outside of activities?
2. Is it difficult for your children to do their responsibilities (chores, homework, pet care, etc.) after their activities?
3. Do you feel like you're always on the go with little time to relax?
4. How does everyone genuinely feel about the activities they're involved in?

After you answer these questions, you can decide what, if any, changes you'd like to make. It may be time to unschedule a few things to make time for nothing. Nothing? Yep. Sometimes you just need to do nothing.

Every family needs down time. Playing games, riding bikes, even watching a favorite TV show together builds family relationships. Just being home with everyone doing their own thing is sometimes nice. I used to love hearing my teenage son playing his guitar in his room. I'd run the mixer in the kitchen while baking something and he'd come down asking what I was doing. Or when my husband putzes in the garage and I sit and read in the house, it's just nice to be home together, letting everyone be themselves. My daughter often reads me funny posts on Facebook when we're home together. If you're constantly scheduled, there's little time for these relaxed family times.

So how do you choose what to cut out? First, if anyone is unhappy in an activity or wants to drop something, give them your blessing and say yes. The world will not end if your child isn't on the team or in the recital. If no one wants to drop anything, look at your calendar and create some guidelines of how many times you're willing to drive kids to activities. Then stick to it. Kids may have to alternate when they participate in things. Maybe the summer is when your star baseball player needs to be involved in his sport. Your daughter may have to put off her dance classes until school starts. Not everyone has to do everything at the same time.

Sometimes it's the parents' role to do what's best for the family as a whole and simply say, "We're not doing any extra activities this year. We're taking a break from everything and spending time together." This means parents take a break from their extra stuff, too! If you do this, your kids may complain or they may breathe a sigh of relief. Either way, I'd suggest at that point you sit down as a family and make a list of all the fun stuff you can do during the year.

But watch out! Don't overschedule yourself or your kids again. Commit to keeping the schedule relaxed and flexible. Above all, enjoy your family activities at a leisurely pace so you can savor every minute together.

How can you tell when you or your kids are overscheduled? What steps have you taken or are you going to take to avoid being too busy? How do you decide what to cut out?

5 Ways to Teach Kindness to Your Kids

Children being kind to each other. Brothers and sisters helping one another. A child comforting another child when he's hurt. All are wonderful sights. But how does a child become kind and compassionate?

By being taught and witnessing it in the lives of the people he loves. When a child is treated kindly, he learns to respond the same way to others. The same goes for compassion. Here are a few ideas of how you can teach kindness to your kids.

1. When you hear a child crying in the store, don't get annoyed. Tell your child, "It sounds like someone feels sad." This acknowledges the noise, yet links it to an emotion. It makes you and your child feel bad for the sad child instead of yourself.

2. Take your children with you when you visit someone in the hospital. Let them hear the things you say to the patient and see how you gently touch them. Include them in the conversation.

3. When you see a homeless person, stop and give them something. We sometimes make a stop at the dollar store and pick up a few items of food, chapstick, bottled water, combs, etc. and go back to give it to the person. Talking to someone who's different than you takes away some of the mystery and fear of them. When children see and hear a homeless person's surprised and grateful response it impacts them deeply. The needy person's smile will remain in your child's mind long after the actual encounter.

4. Before your child has a friend over, remind her to play things the friend would like to play, to let the friend go first, and to treat the friend as the special guest he or she is.

5. Allow a child to help any way he can. This includes providing comfort to others of any age. Compliment their kindness.

Children can be taught kindness just as we teach them anything else in life. As always, the best teacher is your example, so be consistently kind to others and to your child. Speak gently and be kind through your actions and attitude.

What things have you done to teach your kids to be kind? In what ways have you seen your child being kind or compassionate?

Linda