I have a strong-willed
child and I'm so thankful that I do. Not that it's easy, as any parent with a
strong-willed child will attest. But there are some definite positives to
raising a child with a strong will.
I remember talking with
my daughter when she was around seven. Her strong will had been rearing its
defiant head more than usual that day. Now it was bedtime, a time to reflect on
the day. I recall saying something like this to my girl.
"You have something
called a strong will and that can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on
how you use it."
She nodded and looked
down. She knew we'd had a bad day just as much as I did.
"When you use it to
disobey, even when you know what's right, it's the wrong way to use it. But
when your friends ask you to do something you know you shouldn't and you tell
them no, then that's a good way to use it. Do you understand?"
Another nod.
"I'm glad you have
a strong will. I know you'll use it the right way most of the time. We all make
mistakes and wish we did things differently sometimes. Remember that I'll
always love you, no matter what."
That little girl is now
almost seventeen and has used her strong will in the best ways possible most of
the time. She's her own person, to be sure, and isn't afraid to take the road
less traveled if she believes it's the right one for her. She isn't easily bent
by peer pressure.
Here are a few tips for parenting your strong-willed child:
- Don't try to squelch your child's strong will. Be thankful for it and try to channel it in positive
directions. As your little one grows older, it can be a huge asset in
helping him stand up for what's right and stand against what's wrong. Peer
pressure evaporates when a strong-willed child says no. And they help
weaker friends make good decisions.
- Tell your child about this amazing gift called strong will
that God placed inside her. Make
sure you keep your comments positive. I sometimes referred to it as a
super-power!
- Remind your child how God would have him use his strong
will. This comes in
handy when your child disobeys. He can be determined to make good
choices with that stubborn will as well as bad.
- Give choices when possible. This gives your child the ability to make her own
decisions, yet stay within the boundaries you've set.
- Pray for him to learn submission when necessary. A child can't always get his way. Try to empathize with
him when he has to submit. "I know you feel frustrated that you can't
do it your way this time.. But it's Mommy's turn do it her way." Or,
"I can see you're disappointed (or angry, or whatever). I'm sorry.
But I really need your help with this." Give consistent consequences
for noncompliance.
Most of all, pray for yourself as
you raise this child. As parents, we always need wisdom and God is glad to give
it when we ask (James 1:5). Ask Him to give you eyes to see the good in your
child and that you'd be able to guide his strong will in positive ways. I know
you'll find a delightful child lurking behind all those "No's!"
Do you have a strong-willed child?
How do you know? What tips can you give for raising such a child?
Linda
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