Ever feel like you're talking to a brick wall when it comes to
disciplining your kids? Seem like nothing you say is heard or obeyed? Maybe
it's time to come up with a different discipline strategy. If you're tired of
talking and having to say the same things repeatedly, why not try silent
discipline?
Start
disciplining with nonverbal cues. Sit down with your children and talk honestly
with them. Tell them you aren't happy with how the disciplining has been going.
Own up to the fact that you may not have been as respectful to them as you
should have been, if that's the case. Never mind that they may have been
disrespectful to you, too. Apologize and ask their forgiveness. Tell them
you're willing to try a different way of discipline if they'll be responsive to
it. Explain that you'll use nonverbal cues when you need them to do something
differently. Let them help you decide what the cues will be. Here are a few
suggestions:
Nonverbal
Cue
Translation
Hand on
child's arm
You're talking back, please stop
Shaking
head
No. That's unacceptable.
Index
finger pointing up. Please wait. I'll be right with you.
Hand on
heart.
I love you.
Thumbs up
You're doing great!
Hand up Stop
Index
finger to lips
Quiet
It may be
that your child might like to have some nonverbal cues to use for you, too,
such as:
Hand on
your arm when you're talking to someone I need to say something.
Finger
twirling in the air
I have to go
to the bathroom.
Tug on
his ear I'm bored/I'm ready to go.
Hand cupped
behind ear I didn't hear you.
Of
course, many parents use standard American Sign Language with their children,
too, and find it to be useful, especially for nonverbal children. Using cues
ratchets down tension. It keeps parents and kids from yelling at each other and
it bonds you because you have a secret code no one else knows. There's power in
a loving touch. It conveys so much more than spoken words. Nonverbal cues work
beautifully with some, but not all, children. So if you're frustrated with
verbal communication with your kids, try it! Even a slight diversion from the
norm is a nice break for everyone and it may make your usual form of
communication easier to hear if you return to it.
Do you
use nonverbal communication or discipline with your children? What are your
cues and how do they work?
Linda
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