The Best Mothering Advice I Ever Got

When I was a new mother, I felt woefully inadequate. Though I loved being a mom, I also felt like I didn't know what I was doing. Why did it seem everyone else was so much more confident than I was?

I knew I needed to become more assertive and confident the day I was at my mom's with my newborn daughter. Mom had rocked Jessica to sleep and asked, "Where do you want me to lay her?"
"It doesn't matter. Wherever you think best," I replied.
Mom looked at me, and as usual, knew what was going on inside me. "Linda," she said. "This is your baby. You decide what's best for her."

That was my wake-up call to being an assertive, confident mother.

Later, I read an article that helped me gain the confidence I lacked as a mom. I don't remember what magazine it was. I don't know who the author was. But I know that what it said stayed with me all these 30-plus years later.

In a nutshell it said, "You're this child's mother. No one knows her better than you do." I know that sounds simple, but it came back to me time and time again when I had no clue what I was doing as a mother. When my baby cried, she wanted ME, not someone else, and certainly not because I was so well-qualified, but simply because I was her mom. I was the one she trusted to care for her, with all my inadequacy, foibles, mistakes, and lack of confidence. Me!

You may not have all the answers either, but you do know how your baby likes to be held, what things most often make her cry, or stop crying. You know what her favorite toy is and that she needs her blankie to rub as she drifts off to sleep. You know her tickle spots and the way her eyes crinkle before she breaks into a smile. You know the way she likes to sway and which songs are her favorite. You know what sounds scare her and what makes her squeal with joy. You know far more about that little person God gifted into your care than you think you do.

And even if you don't know those things yet, it doesn't matter. She knows your heartbeat and your gentle touch. She hears your voice, feels your steady breathing, and the way you stroke her downy-soft hair and she's calmed. Why? Because you're her precious mama.

So rest easy. Ignore all the unwanted advice you receive and trust your gut. Ask God for help. Reach out to mothers you respect when you really need another opinion. But be confident that you're enough, because you are. Because God has and will continue to equip you, you'll learn this mothering thing backward and forward, inside and out.

And it will be the most glorious, excruciating, wonder-filled adventure you ever set out on.

Linda

When Your Child is Hurt by Someone's Words

I remember my children crying from time to time because another child said something either to them or about them that hurt their feelings. Maybe it was simple name calling, or some accusation that was made. It's one of the things that pulls a mama's heartstrings the most. How do you handle your child's crisis?

I used one simple question to get to the heart of the matter. I'd hold them close as they told me what happened and what had been said. Then, wiping away their tears, I'd ask, "Is it true?" Usually the answer was no, so I'd tell them, "Then it doesn't matter what they said. You and I know it isn't true. God knows it isn't true. Now you just have to live in a way that proves it."

Occasionally, in answer to my question, they'd say yes, what they'd been hurt by was true. Or maybe it was partly true or a misunderstanding. This is a great teaching moment. An apology may be in order, or a change in the way they treat someone. Whatever the situation calls for, assure your child that everyone makes mistakes. Then help him figure out what is the right thing to do. Encourage him to do it and perhaps even offer to go with them for moral support.

Lastly, I'd remind my child that the person who hurt him needs his prayers. Jesus said to "pray for those who persecute you" (Matt. 5:44). Maybe the other child is hurting in some way himself. It's hard to stay mad at someone you're praying for. It helps in the forgiveness process. My kids had answers to prayer that were nothing short of miraculous when we prayed for children who hurt their feelings.

Teaching your child to respond with kindness and prayer, rather than retaliation, goes a long way in helping him get along with difficult people. It doesn't mean he has to put up with ill treatment, but it teaches him forbearance and self control, which will serve him well as he grows into adulthood.

How do you handle your child's hurt feelings? 

Linda

Keeping Christmas Simple

I'm struck today by how complicated Christmas has gotten. A friend who is caring for her husband who has Alzheimer's feels bad because she hasn't had time to put up a tree or decorations. She just isn't in the mood to do it. Others are frenzied with activity, yet they feel they still must do Christmas baking and complete their shopping from elaborate gift lists. What happened to silent night, holy night? From where I stand, all is certainly not calm or bright.

But it isn't a myth. Christ came into the world to bring peace, quietly, simply, in a manger. His parents didn't even have the means to care properly for him the first few days of his life. They lived in a barn with the animals. It was base, at best. No frills. No fenzied activities. No expensive gifts. No list of things to do. Just a mother nursing her baby amidst the straw and a worried father no doubt wondering how he'd get his family out of this desperate situation. But God was there and they trusted Him.

They got it right, that first Christmas. The young holy family clung tightly to one another and the promises of God. And because of that, and in spite of seemingly horrible circumstances, they found peace and joy.

Oh, come let us adore him. And that's exactly what they did, as do all new parents as they look into the face of their newborn. The wonder. The excitement of a new chapter beginning. A new life, new hope.

It's the same for us when we follow the example of Mary and Joseph. When we hold close the ones we love and reflect on God's promises for us, we find peace, even miracles, in the Christmas chaos. When we keep our focus on the Christ child, born to us just as surely as he was to Mary and Joseph, we experience the same wonder they did. Life wells up within us and we feel the hope this baby brought to earth.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

So relax. Breathe in the scent of that newborn baby. Feel the scratch of the hay. Hear the angels sing. See the star and follow it with all your might to the holy child's cradle. Silent night, holy night! O come, let us adore him!

This year, let's keep it simple.


Linda 

The First Christmas - A Book Review

The First Christmas by Janice D. Green
Illustrated by Violet Vandor

32 pages

Publisher: Honeycomb Adventures Press, LLC, 2012

If you're looking for a book to share the biblical Christmas story with your kids this season, this is a great one! It's for slightly older children due to the amount of text on each page, maybe ages six to ten.

The things I liked most about The First Christmas were:

1. Biblical accuracy. I like that it tells the story as the Bible does, but does so in easy-to-understand terms a child can understand. 
2. Simple text. Even though there is considerable text on each page, it is written simply. Yet it doesn't dumb it down to baby talk, either, which shows respect for the child.
3. Thought provoking interaction. At the end of each page, Green asks questions to draw the child into the story and help him relate to the characters. For instance, when telling the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth expecting their baby, John, Green asks the reader: If someone told you a very old lady was going to have a baby, would you believe it? How do you think Zechariah told his wife about the angel's message without talking?
4. Coloring page illustrations. The pictures are simply drawn, which I believe will appeal to children.
5. Family activity at the end. I love that this book ends with the fun family activity of making a Bible quilt, Christmas tree skirt, tablecloth, or wall hanging out of the illustrations. Green gives instructions on how to do this and offers alternative ways to complete it. What a terrific family keepsake! 

You can also use The First Christmas as a family advent devotional. Green explains how in her blog post on Christian Children's Authors. You can find similar activities and resources at Janice Green's website: www.biblequilts.com.

I highly recommend this book as a resource for teaching your children the true meaning of Christmas in a fun, interactive way. 

(I received a free, digital copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions expressed are my own.)

Linda

7 Benefits of Having Your Kids Sit In Church With You

I'm forever a proponent of having children, even very young children, sit in church with you if they want to--and maybe even if they don't!

I understand how hard it is. I know you don't get as much out of the sermon when you're refereeing your kids in the pew. But that hour is important to their spiritual development. Don't get me wrong. If your church offers children's church or some program for the kids during grown-up church, I don't have any problem with kids going. I think that can be beneficial, too. But so many churches don't offer that and I think that's OK. Kids aren't missing out by not having such programs.

So what are the benefits of having kids in church with you?

1.     They learn to sit quietly. This takes time and patience. It's important that you bring along some quiet activities to help them with this. 

2.     They feel connected to the church body. We are the body of Christ. Kids are never too young to feel that connection.

3.     They feel the Spirit. I know it seems they're only squirming and counting the seconds until it's over. But there's a special feeling in a church service that can't be found anywhere else. Kids unconsciously pick up on this and know it's a holy place and experience, even if it doesn't seem like they get it. 

4.     It builds faith memories. One Sunday after we sang the old hymn, Break Thou the Bread of Life, my pastor stood before us and admitted he had felt like a little boy again as he sang that song. He remembered it had often been sung as a communion song in his childhood church. He was mentally transported back to his boyhood and could see the faithful saints from his church passing the elements, even though he didn't fully understand what it all meant at the time. My point? Had he not sat in church week after week, he wouldn't have such sweet faith memories as an adult. These little things are what build faith. 

5.     It shows children service opportunities. Children can see that there are people who hand out bulletins, pass the offering plate, sing on the worship team, play instruments, preach sermons, and participate in worship in various ways. One of those things may be something that interests them and they'll be able to see themselves in that role one day. 

6.     They learn to use their Bibles and sing praises. As the pastor uses scripture texts, they can try to find them with your help. Children should be encouraged to sing along with the songs. Have them sit and stand with the rest of the congregation. Teach them to participate in, not just tolerate, the service.You never know when something they hear will click and the Spirit will move them into a deeper place of faith. Or a verse or song they've heard may come to their minds in a difficult life situation and can be a source of strength for them. 

7.     They see you worship. You're your child's most influential role model. You're showing them how important it is to go to church. It's absolutely vital they see you worship so they can follow your example as they grow into adults.

So don't despair when you have your kids in church with you. All those wiggles and noises that sound magnified in your ears because it comes from your kids is part of their spiritual growth. They're taking in way more than it seems. God is working miracles behind the scenes in their hearts.

What other benefits have you seen by having your children in church with you? Do you think there are more benefits from having them in children's church? Sound off in the comments below.

Making Math Fun

Guest blogger, Allison Boley, is sharing today about how to make math fun for your kids. A physics PhD student at Arizona State University, she has a new iPhone and iPad kids app called Fun Math at the Ballpark (K-6th grade). You can see samples of it on her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/funmathapps even before its anticipated release date of July 18. I highly recommend downloading it and using it with your kids to make math more fun! Not to mention it will keep them busy at baseball games or any other place they may need to keep from being bored.

A near-drowning incident when she was a teenager spawned my grandmother's lifelong fear of the water. When she gave birth to my mom and my aunt, my grandmother—understanding how important it was for their safety to be able to swim—chose not to pass along her fear. By the time my sisters, my cousins, and I came along, we were taking swim lessons in her backyard pool every summer, and sometimes she even joined us in the shallow end.

Like my grandmother, you may have had a near-drowning incident, but it may not have been in the water. More likely, it was in math. You might be like my mother, who used her long hair to hide her (lack of) algebra answers from her teacher when he walked by her desk. If so, you’ll want to follow her example in another area and avoid passing along your fear of math to your kids. Here are some practical ideas.

1. Recognize the math around you.

Take a whole day to be alert to the presence of math that you already engage in. Notice how by the power of geometry your key fits into the lock on your front door and other keys don't. Take the time to look at the percentage sales tax on your receipts. Observe the patterns on your bathroom or kitchen floor. Appreciate the symmetry in your clothing (the left side is the mirror image of the right side).

Recognizing the pervasiveness of math in everyday life convinces us of its importance. In the same way that my grandmother recognized the importance of swimming to her children's physical survival, you're probably reading this blog post because you already recognize the importance of math to your children's academic and maybe even economic survival. CORDIS, the European Union’s public portal to research results, puts it well: “…almost every job area today is strongly affected, if not entirely reshaped, by scientific and technological advancements.” Math is the foundation of science and technology, and consequently, proficiency in math will increasingly become a vital job skill in your children's lifetimes. We literally cannot afford to pass along our own math phobias.

2. Find something you like about math.

Maybe you hated every aspect of math in high school, but you're not a teenager anymore. You have a different perspective than you did when you were 17. You've learned some patience and if you read Linda's blog, you've learned a lot of positivity. So find something about math that makes you smile.

If you can't find something on your own, try building a story around your children's math problems. Instead of 3 + 2, it's 3 dragons you must defeat and 2 castles to win, or 3 play cars and 2 toy people. If your child's homework already has a word problem, make it bigger by asking why. If Susan has a piece of string that she wants to cut into 3 equal pieces, why does she want to do that? Is she making ribbons for her hair? If so, why? Is she trying to fit in with the popular crowd? Use the opportunity to teach life lessons in addition to math.

3. Value the challenge of math.

Even if there's nothing inherent in math that you can enjoy, you can partake of that marvelous feeling of conquering something that challenged you. Danica McKellar, author of books like Math Doesn't Suck, encourages girls in particular to intentionally challenge themselves, and to view the difficulty of math as part of a larger picture of building character. You can model the character traits of patience and perseverance for your children in your own interaction with math and teach them the importance of not giving up.

And be sure to celebrate! When your child overcomes a difficult problem, tell them what a great job they did. When they finish a particularly odious homework assignment, reward them with play time or television or whatever is appropriate in your household. (Don't reward them with junk food... but that's a different blog.) The end of a grueling semester or school year is a great time for a trip to the toy store. Build that good feeling of conquering challenges so that they approach new obstacles with courage instead of fear.

  

Even if you had an actual-drowning experience in math, don't worry. By changing your own attitudes towards math, you can pass along your newfound confidence to your children and prepare them for math and for life.

Were (or are) you afraid of math? In the comments below, share specific ways you're choosing not to pass your fear of math along to your children.

Teaching Your Child to Have a Quiet Time

(Today's post is by guest blogger, Delores Liesner, from Racine, WI. I saw a Facebook post she wrote about teaching her kids to have a daily quiet time with Jesus and thought it might be something you would enjoy as well.)

Even into adulthood, it was a challenge for me, a rather hyper personality, to sit still, even for a few minutes. I felt like a baby, taking little steps to get to know God’s voice and His character. Quiet times spent in prayer and reading my Bible calmed me, though, and I often spoke of them to our toddler saying things like, “Mommy is happy because she talked to Jesus this morning in her quiet time.” This way she understood that my behavior and attitude was being guided and changed by a quiet time with God. 

I wished I’d been taught this when I was a child, so I determined that our children would know the peace of spending time with God. It was actually quite simple.

A kitchen timer, a playpen, and a child-size picture Bible book enabled teaching our toddler the self-discipline of having a quiet time.  I’d set the timer, first for one minute, announcing that we were going to have a quiet time and talk to Jesus. I showed her my quiet-time book (my Bible) and sat quietly in her view, reading until the timer went off. The time was increased by a minute for five days, then it remained at five minutes for a week. 

Next, I told my daughter that Mommy was going to have her quiet time in her room. I turned on the timer and moved out of her line of vision.  As the daily quiet time increased to seven minutes, and finally the fourth week, to ten minutes, I alternated being in and out of the room for quiet times. When in the room, told her if she finished her quiet time first, she could continue to play quietly till Mommy was done. 

In addition to teaching respect for a quiet time, and imprinting the importance of personal time with Jesus, our daughter quickly learned to read and play quietly.

It took only a month, and I found our quiet times had more of an affect than I imagined. One day I was irritable and three-year-old Laurie looked up and asked, “Mommy, didn’t you have a quiet time today?” 

Do your children have a quiet time? How did you start it? What guidelines do you have in place for it?